


Is it really better?

by starialis



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Hawke doesn't have a specified gender, I love me my bisexual fenris, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 16:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18479740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starialis/pseuds/starialis
Summary: A character study of Fenris and how he thinks he knows what's best for him and Hawke.





	Is it really better?

It’s better this way.

 

Fenris tells himself this as he walks away, out of Hawke’s room, out of their estate. But not out of their life. Never out of their life. With every step, he wants nothing more than to run back to Hawke and beg for their forgiveness, trusting them when they said they could work through this. But he keeps walking, through Hightown back to his stolen mansion. It’s better for him to distance himself now, before it becomes impossible later and he destroys the both of them.

 

It’s better this way, Fenris thinks as he follows Hawke on another venture to the Wounded Coast, their eyes alight with laughter as they tell another bad joke to Isabela and Varric. Despite himself, he can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, even as the rogues give Hawke the stare that one can only receive when the joke is truly beyond redemption. He tries to ignore the way that his heart wobbles in his chest when Hawke directs their toothy grin at him.

 

It’s better this way, he has to remind himself as he sees Hawke cry for the first time. They were too late to save Leandra, and Hawke had been holed up in their estate for the past week. It wasn’t until Varric came to his mansion expecting to find them that he realized no one had seen Hawke for several days. He was terrible at consoling someone through grief, but Hawke didn’t seem to mind. They just wanted him to listen and provide a shoulder to cry on. It hurts to see Hawke this broken. He’s sure his presence is causing even more hurt, but he is a selfish coward. He holds Hawke tighter.

 

It’s better this way, he has to scream in his head when Hawke looks at him that way and tells him that he’s not alone. He doesn’t deserve anything that Hawke has to give him, did they not just see that he almost killed his sister? In front of Hawke, the one who has no family left save for the one that they’ve made for themselves. He should be ashamed. But he wants it. Oh Maker, does he want it. He wants it, even though he knows that he could never give Hawke enough to properly thank them for everything they’ve done to his life. It’s because of Hawke that he now has a future, has the possibility of a life, has the freedom he’s craved for so long. How does one even begin to repay that?

 

It’s better  _ this _ way, he realizes when Hawke gives him that smile when he presses their lips together. He was a fool, to think that anything before could possibly be better than Hawke, pressed up against him and holding Fenris as if he is the most valuable treasure in the world. As if, to Hawke, there was no one more important. He still feels, still knows, that he is cracked and has jagged edges, but who is he to deny the love that Hawke so desperately wants to give?

 

It’s better this way, Fenris knows in his soul as he slowly wakes to the sounds of Kirkwall coming alive in the early morning. The sun spreads across deep red sheets, sheets that are still mussed from the night before. Hawke is pressed to his back, arms wrapped protectively around him, and he can feel the echo of their heartbeat in his chest. He shifts, and Hawke stirs only enough to tighten their arms around him and press a kiss to his neck. Fenris can’t recall ever feeling this content. 

 

It’s much better this way. 

**Author's Note:**

> My first work! Yay!
> 
> I definitely didn't write this during my math lecture.


End file.
